Police under fire over restrictive duties findings

More than 8,000 police officers are being paid a full salary for working “as little as one hour a day”, according to newspaper reports last week.

Freedom of Information requests showed that the wage bill for officers on “restrictive or recuperative duties” after returning from long-term sick leave is running at £243m per year. Guru is astounded – things must be getting tough for Bobbies if they have to put in a whole hour to get their £30,000 a year.

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Guru regularly meets up with two policemen – strictly on unrelated social business, you understand. They have each visited more greasy spoon cafés in south London than Rick Waller when he played a three-month residency at Brixton Academy.

When news of this one-hour-a-day minimum gets out, there will be uproar from coppers across the land. Listen for the howls of protest from doughnut-selling bakeries everywhere.