Last week was Wellbeing Week for train operator First ScotRail. This left Guru fighting very hard to resist the urge to suggest the employer could have saved itself much of the trouble by advising train staff to leave the service at the border towns and move to England. Obviously, he did not fight it hard enough.
But the guilty feeling was lessened by a Google search that confirmed Scots really do die younger than the English, and experts believe they will continue to do so for at least the next 50 years. In fairness, it should be mentioned that this independent Whitehall research did not take into account First ScotRail’s Wellbeing Week.
And apparently, this Wellbeing Week involved fresh fruit being delivered to offices. This is great for increasing life expectancy, but must have come as a blow to the country’s thriving deep-fried Mars bar industry.
Now before Guru gets an earful from the postman for putting his back out again, let him remind you that he is no more antagonistic towards the Scots than he is towards any other race. It’s just that delivering the odd apple to Scottish train drivers is a bit like trying to convince English land owners to stop hunting by showing them a cute baby fox or asking working-class Dubliners to stop smoking in pubs by introducing a… oh, hang on a minute…