What is invalidation, and how can occupational health professionals address it? Professor Lynda Holt looks at what OH can do to help employees process their emotions and challenge cultures that enable people to invalidate their feelings.
By default, we humans are a connected bunch; we need to belong, be seen and heard, and feel a sense of significance in what we contribute. This applies to all parts of our lives, and in an ideal world we would have it everywhere we interact. However, the world, of course, is less than ideal for many people.
Being part of something – a tribe, a community, a family, or a workplace – is part of our evolutionary pattern. In common with other mammals, we exist in groups, when we fall or are pushed out of a group we are more at risk. In many cases, the risk is more psychological than physical for modern-day humans, but it is very real nonetheless.
It’s no coincidence that isolation is used as a form of punishment, torture even, from a very early age. We isolate “naughty” children – I bet you remember the naughty corner or being sent to your room if it happened to you. Some groups formalise isolation in the form of shunning or ex-communication, and prisons use solitary confinement. At a very personal level, you may have occasion to ‘not speak’ to a partner or friend who has upset you.
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We do this at work too. We may not isolate people in exactly the same way, but we disconnect them from the community in a way that removes their sense of significance and feeling of belonging. This is so harmful to mental wellbeing, both because many people identify themselves through the work they do and because so much time is spent at work.
One of the most corrosive ways this happens is through invalidation. Invalidation is the denial or rejection of someone’s emotional experience, in other words. dismissing or ignoring how they feel. The undertone here is “you are wrong to feel, think or experience this the way you do”.
To be clear, the harmful impact of invalidation may not always be intentional. Sometimes people invalidate in an attempt to help another person out of a bad experience or situation. Sometimes people invalidate because they don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with what’s happening and yes, sometimes invalidation is just plain controlling or manipulative.
Whatever the intent, the impact is harmful to individuals and workplace culture.
How OH can spot invalidation at work
From an occupational health perspective, spotting invalidation can be a challenge. Many people don’t recognise it is what’s happening, and some have spent a lifetime experiencing some form of emotional invalidation. Your role, of course, is to help the person in front of you, educate your workplace and escalate behaviour if you need to.
People who have experienced invalidation for a while will likely show some emotional signs, so you may get an instinctive nudge to explore deeper. They may doubt themselves, they may be adept at hiding their feelings and giving you what they think you want to hear, they may even invalidate themselves by comparison or denying themselves the right to their emotions, in a way they’re conditioned to think their emotions are wrong. Ultimately, this can lead to feelings of anxiety or depression.
Emotion is the way we process what we experience. We feel to heal, so when people are denied the opportunity to feel, it also reduces their resilience, their emotional agility, and their ability to connect with others.
How OH can support the individual
Always practice emotional validation, hold space so they feel heard and respected, and be mindful of your own language when you do speak. Using affirming statements, things like “I’m sorry you’ve experienced that”, or “I can see you are upset” can validate someone’s emotional experience. You don’t need to agree, just acknowledge.
Emotions are a sign that all is well or not well in their body and mind, and helping people to navigate their feelings helps them to process what’s happened to them, to begin to trust what they feel, and decide any next steps they may wish to take.
Sometimes it takes a while for people to feel ready to confront invalidation. Where you can impact most is by helping them to explore how they might start to self-validate, nurture and be kinder to themselves.
How OH can support the organisation
When it comes to educating colleagues, the biggest gain is usually making people aware of the harm caused by unintentional invalidation at work. It’s an uncomfortable conversation, so you may feel both resistance and denial – no one wants to think they’ve caused harm.
Sometimes it takes a while for people to feel ready to confront invalidation. Where you can impact most is by helping them to explore how they might start to self-validate, nurture and be kinder to themselves.”
Look at safe things like language, focus on what people can do better, and highlight what constitutes unintentional invalidation. You might start with a conversation about how to make people feel validated – things like acknowledging their experience, really listening, resisting the temptation to collude or share your experiences, offering advice, or even fixing things unless asked.
You might also want to touch on what to do if someone is an unintentional invalidator. Things to consider here might include why it happens. Often when people are emotionally uncomfortable or overwhelmed themselves, denying the other person’s reality is safer than exploring it.
Invalidation might be well-intentioned, with an aim of making things feel better, but people need to understand the impact of toxic positivity, of perceived judgement, and even the ‘toughen up’ cultures that pervade so many workplaces.
Manipulative invalidation at work
When someone is consciously and repeatedly ignored, it harms them, the team, and productivity. If you are concerned about intentional invalidation, you should know who and where it is safe to escalate to.
If you are the one on the receiving end, make sure you have good personal boundaries. Be courageous enough to ask for help or even to confront the individual if you feel psychologically safe enough. Be attentive to how you treat yourself. If you catch yourself invalidating your own feelings and experiences, stop and remind yourself you need to feel to process what you experience – emotion is the data we use.
Like most things to do with mental wellbeing, the more open we can be about invalidation the less people suffer. Remember humans are designed to be connected, so if you do nothing else, reach out and connect with another person.
