First day really plumbs the depths

A first day at work is always nerve-wracking. You don’t want to wear the wrong thing, say anything stupid or commit arson. One poor 17-year-old apprentice plumber starting work last month managed to avoid the first two pitfalls – but fell into the classic trap of starting a £5m fire.

The unnamed liquid solutions operative with a sideline in pyrotechnics was attempting a minor soldering job at a waterside Georgian mansion in south Devon when he ignited some polystyrene insulation and sent the whole place up in flames.

The eight-bedroomed house was said to be – much like its owner (who incidentally happens to be Andrew Brownsword, the man behind the sickly-sweet Forever Friends greeting cards) – gutted.

Rumours that the plumber had completed the shortest career in history were unconfirmed. But if he is looking for a new job, Guru reckons he could earn a living in HR, carrying out inductions for new recruits to companies up and down the country. Once they have heard his story, anything they do on their first day is unlikely to seem so bad.

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