Racy talk leads Guru down a road of pain

Everyone’s done something they regret at a Christmas party, and Guru is no exception. Dancing (badly), singing karaoke (badly), telling inappropriate jokes (badly), criticising the boss within her earshot (badly), and snogging the girl from accounts (rather well, actually).

But this year, your favourite back-page columnist made a truly monumental mistake at a festive shindig, and is already paying for its dire consequences.

The event: The Employers’ Law magazine advertisers’ Christmas party.

The venue: The Absolut Ice Bar, Heddon Street, London.

The drinks of choice: Something with vodka and cinnamon.

Let’s just say that Guru was getting into the spirit of the occasion, and entertaining the guests with his unparalleled wit and raconteurship. You should have seen it. All these young, beautiful, smart lady lawyers were hanging on Guru’s every word. He felt like the “razzle dazzle Billy Flinn” from the musical Chicago

But then it all went badly wrong. A femme fatale by the name of Sam Gegg from legal company Osborne Clarke confided in Guru that she was going to do something quite weird, unnatural and perverse and invited him to join her. Guru’s guard slipped, and in a flash he agreed – and now there’s no way out.

That’s right – Guru has been signed up for the Reading Half Marathon on 25 March.

Actually it’s not as bad as it at first seems (though it’s still pretty bad for someone whose last sporting endeavour was an egg and spoon race). Guru will be part of one of two Personnel Today teams (a boys team and a girls team) taking part in the Osborne Clarke Challenge – a corporate relay for teams of four people running alongside the half marathon proper. So if Guru’s maths is right, that’s 3.275 miles each.

According to Ms Gegg, it’s “designed to enable regional companies to promote a healthy workforce at the same time entrants can raise money for charity and build team spirit and camaraderie among colleagues and other businesses”.

So, I’m afraid it’s hands-in-your-pockets time. Personal and corporate sponsorships are welcome, and any organisation that pledges £25 or more to either or both teams will have their logo printed on the athletic attire of our runners. The bigger the pledge, the bigger and more prominent the logo.

Guru will also ‘big-up’ all sponsors in this very column and publish a photograph of the team in their before and after states, resplendent in their fully-logo’d kit.

All proceeds will go to Guru’s favourite charity, The Children’s Trust (www.thechildrenstrust.org.uk).

Guru has set up a sponsorship page at www.justgiving.com.

Right – Guru’s off to continue his rigorous training programme with a deep tissue massage. Let’s just hope that old war wound (from the aforementioned girl in accounts) doesn’t play up in the dreaded weeks to come.

Sadly, and all too predictably, Guru’s chronic injury has indeed already flared up, and he has had to rule himself out of the race. But don’t let that stop you from supporting and sponsoring his colleagues. Remember – www.justgiving.com/personneltoday, or drop him an e-mail with the details of your pledge.

Tell us

Has anything raised a smile in your office recently? Then share it with the rest of us… guru@personneltoday.com


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