Assassins required to execute cull day

There are two things guaranteed to get UK workers off their behinds and involved in a campaign. The first is when there is something in it for them, and the second is the offer of free stuff. These two factors are presently coming together in the Amazing (day of) Grace campaign.

For those of you not yet involved, it is a campaign for one day a year when HR people can fire one worker per every 100 employees who are a total nightmare, free of reprisals. A (semi) official consultation is now under way to see just how you might like these regulations to work. Everyone who sends in their recommendation will enter the hat for the chance of having the fantastic magicians from Leger de Main (www.legerdemainmagic.co.uk) along to entertain them at their Christmas party.

Disciple Kevin really got into the spirit of things with the following submission:

“If we take a strategic approach to this issue (as HR people are wont to do), this policy doesn’t solve the problem. Using an Amazing Grace Day would only transfer the offender to another disciple for a further year before another Amazing Grace Day comes around. At the same time, there is a risk of transferring another offender in to replace them.We could inadvertently create a(n) (un)virtuous circle of misery for disciples.

“A radical solution was proposed at a recent HR planning session – employ a company assassin. This was met with cheers from fellow disciples, and senior managers have given tacit approval and access to a secret slush fund.

Several colleagues have since enquired about the role, and have enthusiastically agreed to a new payment-by-results salary. Potential applicants must be fully trained in SWOT analysis.”

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