This week’s guru

Spectacular failure sees error of ways

It’s not only Lord Archer who lies on his CV, although few manage to stretch
the truth about their academic career in such a convincing way.

While wannabe ophthalmologists might not have the fictional skills of a
best-selling author, one managed to pull the wool over the eyes of Wigan and
Leigh NHS Healthcare Trust, Greater Manchester, this month.

After having failed exams on seven previous attempts, the doctor simply
didn’t bother to turn up for his eighth go. Instead, he went back to work and
told his bosses that he’d completed the ophthalmology exams and was rewarded
with a new contract.

But, as Lord Archer can testify (although its authenticity would have to be
checked), telling porkies will come back to haunt you. His bosses finally saw
the wood for the trees and suspended him, although he apologised and has been
forgiven. Will we be so magnanimous when poor Jeffrey is released?

MD speed kings caught on film

Managers are three times more likely to get caught speeding by roadside
cameras than their staff.

A survey shows that over 16 per cent of senior managers have been nicked for
speeding in the past year, while only 6 per cent of other employees have. MDs
and marketing directors were the worst offenders, with one in four of the
former getting caught.

The people least likely to be pulled over are those in non-managerial
technical roles.

Guru wonders whether it is due to managers being keener to get to the
office, or is it a symptom of the plush company car?

As a 2CV driver (yes, they do still exist) Guru can only dream of being done
for speeding.

Guru makes it on career fast track

While we’re on the subject of fast cars, Guru had a terrible experience last
week. He was driving along in his car, and the boss rang him up.

She said, "You’ve been promoted." Guru swerved.

Then she rang up a second time and said, "You’ve been promoted
again." The 2CV swerved right across the road.

His boss rang up a third time and said, "You’ve been made managing
director." Guru crashed into a tree.

A policeman approached the accident scene and said, "What happened to

The reply, "I careered off the road."

Belgians compute as they commute

Here’s an idea for all you trainers out there. A Belgian firm has begun
offering commuters IT training on their way to and from work.

The Brussels-based firm Xylos uses a van to pick up time-strapped office workers
and provides IT training on the move as they are driven to work. They are
tested on what they learned that morning on the return trip.

The firm has already won some blue-chip clients, including several banks and
a national newspaper.

Guru knows plenty of journalists who would benefit from this service,
although there would be a question mark over the amount of time saved with the
van having to detour via the pub on the way home.

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