This week’s guru

No ‘Q’ for Bond

MI5 is in the process of recruiting someone to fill the position
immortalised by James Bond’s favourite mechanic, Q.

The security service is advertising a £21,500-a-year position in its vehicle
body repair shop.

The advert reads: "This job offers you the opportunity to indulge your
passions for vehicles while doing your part to safeguard the security of your

Guru suspects the position could be vacant for some time – equipping
high-performance cars with ejector seats, bullet proof armour and flame
throwers are unlikely to be common skills for your average mechanic.

Amorous docs bring traffic to a standstill

Passionate nurses and doctors have been disrupting their hospital’s

It sounds like something out of BBC drama Casualty, but romantic healthcare
workers in Norway are causing problems.

Employees at St Olav’s Hospital in Trondheim are spending so much time
kissing their partners goodbye before they get out of their cars when they are
dropped off at work, they are causing traffic jams and slowing down ambulances.
In response, officials have decided to build a separate ‘kiss-n-ride’ lane
outside the hospital to ease the traffic congestion.

Terje Fiksdal, project manager for the new lane, said so many people are
having one last lingering kiss, they are causing traffic to back up in front of
the city hospital.

The last time Guru attempted a lingering kiss with Mrs Guru in the morning,
he received a slap and was labelled a sex pest.

Skin-tight uniforms cause sexual havoc for Thai police force

This week’s opinion piece in the legal pages explores the implications of an
employment tribunal ruling that a civil servant was discriminated against by
being forced to wear a tie at work.

But Guru has learned the UK is not the only country where workplace dress
codes have been making the headlines.

In Thailand last week, policemen complained of being sexually harassed by
women and gay men, because their new uniforms are too tight.

One high-ranking officer said 400 complaints a month are being filed by
policemen subjected to lewd calls from admirers. Websites have even been set up
featuring pictures and advice on how to seduce officers.

Guru is always being told that his clothes are too tight. Unfortunately,
no-one seems to find him sexy.

Bedside manner tops Guru’s HR advice list

Never one to turn down free advice (or free anything, actually), Guru was
more than happy to be swamped with top tips from HR’s finest after his plea
earlier this month (Guru, 4 March).

They included the cynical – ‘Admit to nothing, unless it was a success’; the
thought-provoking – ‘Don’t expect praise, if it comes, it will be a pleasant
surprise’ and ‘Always make time to reflect, then you won’t get it wrong twice’;
and the inspiring -‘The only way to never fail is to never try. Never stop

But the best tip was given to one HR professional by his girlfriend: ‘Always
untie your shoelaces before getting into bed.’ Guru thinks there’s a lesson in
that one for all of us.

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