Guru

This week’s guru

Nubile MEP faces uphill struggle to make M&A sexy

The European Parliament is often criticised as a dull, bureaucratic, staid
home for ageing MPs put out to pasture by their home countries.

To date, the most exciting things to come out of Brussels are the periodic
scandals over massive expense claims. But that is all set to change with a new
comic for the youth audience, designed to encourage more young people to
consider careers as MEPs.

The star of the 32-page comic is pert, multilingual MEP Irena Vega, who
appears to have more in common with Lara Croft than Neil Kinnock or Ian
Paisley.

Guru became quite taken with Irena as he read how she proved the importance
of the European Parliament by braving death threats to expose a corrupt chemical
business.

The Euro vixen then champions new legislation guaranteeing the safety of
European water.

However, Guru will be interested to see how even the nubile Irena can inject
excitement into topics such as European rules on data protection and mergers
and acquisitions.

Guru’s failing to balance the looks

Guru, who is still battling to lose those extra pounds gained over an
indulgent festive period, has been trying a revolutionary new diet that treats
weight loss like running a business.

Every dieter who practices the weight-loss plan by Jim Karas (MBA and
personal trainer) is CEO of their own body.

Step one is to come up with a dieting mission statement and weight loss
target. The next step is to go public, tell people what you intend to do and
set up your management team of friends and family to provide support.

Under The Business Plan for the Body, revenue is food, expenses are calories
burned and profit is weight loss. Investment is exercise and capital is muscle.
All you need to do is crunch through the numbers and watch the fat melt away.

Since starting the diet Guru has encountered a few teething problems –
mainly because as his body’s CEO he does not appear to have enough influence
over the organisation.

His stomach (currently finance director) is obsessed by revenue and Guru is
concerned that it is planning a complete takeover of the business.

Tony gives a new definition to career path

Guru is obviously on the same wavelength as the Department for Education and
Skills.

Last week Guru highlighted the need for a greater emphasis on vocational
education and on the very same day the DfES outlined its plans to do just that.

Guru had emphasised the problems that many highly qualified graduates face
because their academic qualifications are not relevant to the workplace.

He asked readers to contact him with details of the most unusual hard-earned
jobs they had undertaken while struggling to make the most of their
qualifications.

The best so far has been provided by HR manager Tony Vaghela who as a keen
young graduate in the early 1990s found himself working as part of a
road-digging gang in Kuwait.

"A typical day started at 7am and finished at 7pm, with a three-hour
break at midday due to the 45-degree heat. All for about 75p a day,"
reminisces Tony.