Guru

This week’s guru

London teachers get help with lifestyle

Westminster Council is considering offering teachers lifestyle managers for
free in a bid to attract them to work in one of the UK’s most expensive areas.

Personal helpers will drop the car at the garage, find a plumber, take
delivery of a new washing machine or even book a restaurant table.

But the proposals, that have yet to be approved, have come under fire from
the National Association of Schoolmasters Union of Women Teachers, which has
called on the council to put any spare cash into teachers’ wage packets to help
them afford to live in the area.

A spokesperson for the union said: "The only thing that does not seem
to be on offer is the service of an escort agency."

If Guru were a teacher he would welcome the idea and ask his lifestyle
manager to spend a few hours babysitting his boisterous kids each weekday.

Cruel employers ban Backus from imbibing

Guru was fascinated to read about the
case of a US publisher who is claiming he was ordered to sleep with his wife
every night by his employer after he started experiencing marital difficulties.

Marty Backus Jr is suing Lancasters Newspapers Inc over
wrongful dismissal after 21 years’ service. He claims he was fired after bosses
began to question his loyalty.

He alleges that company representatives told him they would not
employ a publisher who had marital problems. As well as confining him to the
conjugal bed and banning him from touching alcohol, they said he must have
dinner with his family five times a week.

Guru is all in favour of a strict moral code and is thinking
about imposing a similar regime at home after Mrs Guru banished him to the
spare room over his (alleged) snoring and other questionable bedtime habits.

Womb with a view defence

The next time Guru is shouted at by his boss after being caught
slumped in his chair gazing out the window he will have a good comeback .

Researchers in New Zealand have found that slacking in adults
can be traced back to the foetal stages.

An Auckland University study shows under-nourishment in the
womb results in a resistance to a hormone called leptin, leading to
over-eating, obesity and sedentary behaviour in adults.

Guru will be able to inform his employer that he shows all
signs of having suffered from foetal malnutrition and thus cannot help being
workshy.

Of course Guru is fibbing, he was a very  well nourished infant – 8lbs 12oz at birth.

Output is up – at least at the bar

A West Midlands firm claims profits soared 200 per cent after
staff were encouraged to hug each other every day.

Farrelly Facilities and Engineering, Sutton Coldfield, also
plays soothing music, bans overtime and gives employees expenses to socialise
together.

Owner Jerry Farrelly, 44, got the idea from a management course
based on the Chinese philosophies of Tao Te Ching.

The 44-year-old said: "Staff respond by giving their all.
There is a lot of love in the office so people do not fall out."

Guru would be more concerned about love outside the office –
you’re asking for trouble if you encourage staff to hug, then give them money
to go and get drunk together.