Tune in, read on, drop out of the flap

In one of the most amazing pitches Guru has ever read, for £9.95 (+p&p) you can learn to ‘communicate better with your pet for a deeper, more loving relationship’.

Yes, Your Talking Cat will give you the secrets only previously available to a ‘celebrated cat-assisted therapist’ (no, not George Galloway). You can learn how to tune in to the telepathic power of cats, which lets them read ‘the true mindset of a human companion’.

Guru thought there might be some mileage in the idea, so here is his sales pitch:

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‘Having trouble getting through to some of your employees? Do they wander in and out through the staff flap and disappear for days on end? You need Your Talking Staff (TM)!

‘Learn what their strange noises mean and how to give them the recognition they deserve without being sued for sexual discrimination when you rub their bellies. To order go to page 57.’