This week’s guru

High spirited lessons for the wrong reasons

Personnel Today revealed last week that the turnover rate for teachers in
the UK has reached a record level at nearly 13 per cent.

Guru is not surprised – teaching is a tough job. Hours of preparation each
evening, followed by hours of humiliation in the classroom each day in front of
hormone-fuelled little monsters.

In Romania the situation has got so bad that stressed-out teachers have been
turning up drunk for lessons.

In response, education officials in Gorj county plan to borrow breathalysers
from the police to ensure teachers do not lecture under the influence.

Guru knows only too well about that. He once delivered an Ivy League lecture
with his golf scorecard on the overhead – the talk was about the balanced
scorecard approach.

Out of the loop, on the streets

One of the biggest mistakes a company can make is to let news of job cuts
leak before staff have been consulted. A public relations disaster always
ensues and the employer brand gets severely dented.

Guru hears from a ‘cobber’ down under that the New South Wales Police have
taken poor internal communications to a new level.

The HR director of the force was busy making a tough decision in the sandwich
queue one day when he overheard talk of massive restructuring at the force. It
was the first he had heard of it.

To add insult to injury, he was one of those being made redundant – all in
the name of getting more officers on the streets, of course.

Techno-rage causes violence

Guru has always been a bit of a Luddite when it comes to new technology. His
complex mind is so full of concepts and theories there is little room for
dealing with the problems generated by his computer.

Only minutes before filing this copy Guru was curled up in a foetal position
under his desk, sobbing quietly to himself after his laptop crashed for the
fifth time in 20 minutes.

He is not alone in his techno-phobia, however. A report has revealed office
workers are being driven to violence by slow or faulty internet connections.

Of the 1,000 people surveyed by Mori on behalf of Abbey National, half said
they experience internet rage at least once a week.

Many people admit to thumping their computer or desk in anger and 2 per cent
of respondents resort to hitting the person sitting next to them.

Love in an elevator is a quick affair

Guru is no prude, but he was shocked
to read that workers have been spotted having sex in the glass lifts at the
City of London’s Lloyds building.

Amorous couples have allegedly been using the four express
elevators for some high-speed loving, according to the Insurance Times.

"It is a very sensitive subject with Lloyds staff at the
moment," said editor Andy Cook, "but with the lifts taking 45 seconds
whoever is responsible would have to be a smooth operator. They would have to
be very, very fast indeed."

Guru suffers from vertigo and claustrophobia so he has some
doubts that he would be able to perform in such a confined environment.

However, Mrs Guru was kind enough to say that she was sure the
45-second duration would present him with no problems whatsoever.

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