Guru

This week’s guru

The force won’t be with you if you’re overweight

Guru will be watching with interest changes to policing in the UK following
publication of the Police Reform Bill, which the Home Secretary hopes will
boost efficiency and cut crime rates.

He is interested in how other countries are developing their police forces
to boost the performance of officers. In India they are taking the
transformation process quite literally. Police authorities have told overweight
officers to lose weight or risk losing a month’s salary.

"The size of a policeman’s belly has a bearing on the crime rate. Unfit
policemen have no place on the force. They can’t chase criminals if they can’t
walk properly," said Allahabad’s superintendent of police RK Vishwakarma.

German men get fringe benefits

Working for the civil service is a demanding job. Grappling with
legislation, dealing with endless reams of bureaucracy and prudently budgeting
public cash is no walk in the park. That’s just in the UK, so spare a thought
for civil servants in Germany, where the Teutonic quest for organisation and
efficiency is relentless.

It’s a situation that would have Guru pulling his hair out, which is
probably why German male civil servants are entitled to state support for wigs
following a landmark ruling.

Before the decision by the federal court of administration, only women were
entitled to free wig funding. But in a landmark boost for equality, the fringe
benefit has been extended. It overturns a previous ruling that was accused of
splitting hairs when denying folically challenged men the right to wigs funds.

Post-industrial name change

Will Hutton and his merry band have finally realised they have been working
under a misnomer. There is no point in being called the Industrial Society when
the UK hasn’t been able to describe itself in that way since the mid-1970s.

So, those clever types are trying to come up with a new name. The front
runner is The Work Foundation. Although it sounds like a dirty process in the
construction industry, it has to be better than the pretentious Latin names so
many are favouring (Demos, Amicus and the less well-known Ideas’r’us).

Considering that the whole UK workforce will be working in customer services
within five years, Guru thinks the Crazy Call Centre Collective might be more
apt, or at least the Post-Industrial Society.

Got any ideas we can forward to Mr Hutton c/o Guru?

Paying the price for poor grammar

Staff at Nottingham City Council and
journalists at a Swiss newspaper will be watching their spelling, punctuation
and grammar after their employers announced plans to fine them for making
mistakes.

Graham Chapman, council leader at Nottingham Council wants
staff to pay into a swear box for such grammar crimes.

And journalists at Le Temps newspaper in Switzerland are up in
arms over an editor’s plans to fine them E3.4 euros (about £2.15) for spelling,
punctuation and factual errors.

The hacks have called a meeting to discuss the measure, which
they call "childish and authoritarian". Guru is relieved there has
never been a question mark over his spelling but he would like to see a full
stop to this approach to schoolboy errors.