Guru’s Foreign Briefing

Apparently there’s this thing going on called globalisation, which Guru has just been told about. From what he can ascertain, there seems to be a global village, but no-one seems to be able to say where this is, and calls to find out if it’s on British Airways’ intinerary have proved fruitless.

One thing Guru has picked up from these ramblings about the adoption of social institutions on a global scale is that you have to be aware of cultural differences that could trip you up when away on business.

So in a new series of lectures, Guru will strive to help you and your staff bypass such faux pas. Sound the trumpets, it’s Guru’s Foreign Briefing.

This week: Sex with animals.

It seems that foreign types go in for this more than the average Brit, so be ready. Only recently, a man in the Upper Nile State of the Sudan was forced to marry a goat after he was caught ‘frolicking’ with it. The goat’s owner – one Mr Alifi – found him en flagrante with the startled doe and took him to the council of elders, who decided that since he was treating the goat like a wife then he should marry it.

Hot on the heels of this lothario comes the man from Serbia who was told by a witch doctor that his medical ailments would be solved if he had an amorous tryst with a hedgehog. The rest makes for gruesome reading, but you’ll be please to hear the hedgehog escaped unharmed.

So, when abroad on assignment, keep your wits about you. At the end of a hard day’s work, you might consider it normal to ‘go for a quick one’ at the Rat and Parrot, but beware when your foreign colleagues offer this, as unexpected nuptials and/or serious injury might lie ahead.

(NB, Guru only advocates animal sex between two consenting beasts of the same species who are in a loving, monogamous relationship.)

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