News that Romanian skivers will be paid in goats rather than cash in a bid to get them off benefits by encouraging their entrepreneurial spirit opens up a world of possibilities that new UK prime minister Gordon Brown should not pass up.
Families in Romania will receive up to 10 goats which they will be expected to look after, gaining an income from selling their milk and cheese.
And there’s no reason why such an enterprising initiative shouldn’t work here.
For instance: spongers in the South West could be given a cow instead of benefits and sell its milk and lawn-mowing capabilities job-dodgers in Wales would obviously be paid in sheep and size 4 knitting needles to supply jumpers for high-street retailers (obviously the RSPCA would be kept informed) and the feckless layabouts north of the border could be paid in haggis, which Guru has been confidently informed is actually an animal with three legs that has myriad uses.
However, Guru notes a basic flaw in the Romanian goat-pay continuum. In an unbridled act of cruelty, the government expects people to return the goat once they are back in gainful employment.
Yours Truly is willing to bet hard cash against that happening, though, and can already see Europe’s kebab mountain benefiting from a sudden influx of unspecified meat.