• Britain's HR departments are obviously awash with "sequentialised processes" and "helicopter views" judging by the deluge of management jargon Guru has been on the receiving end of again this week.
Guru can't blame readers for wanting to remain anonymous in their donation of jargon. Some of these examples of double speak would make even the most earnest "facilitator" blush.
• Critical mass (Support, as in, 'I don't have the critical mass to carry out this project')
• I'm behind on the power curve (I haven't caught up with everyone else yet)
• Leveraging synergies (Stealing good ideas from other sites)
• Break the glass mentality/Out of the box (Be entrepreneurial)
• Supplier Deflation (Pay less for more)
• People Pipeline (Succession planning)
• Operationalisation (Integrate)
• Takeaway (The summary at the bottom of a viewfoil)
• Drive Cycletime (Do it quicker)
Finally, thanks to Matthew Thomas of Recruitment Vérité for providing the most jargon-laden job advert ever:
"Dynamic, quality-focused, results-driven teamplayer needed to capture and park ideas, run them up the flagpole to see which way they fly then grab them by the scruff of the neck and run off with them. This is a senior core role within our strategic cultural change management initiative, requiring someone of graduate calibre with vision, commercial acumen and excellent interpersonal sensitivity/ communication skills. Package is competitive, though not set in stone as this isn't rocket science, moreover there is no point re-inventing the wheel. In the first instance, touch base and we'll make a window for some down time."
Research you can really trust
• Research by the Open University Business School has managed to prove what a lot of us knew already - that no one trusts a politician.
The OU surveyed nearly 600 managers and professionals on their views of the trustworthiness of various groups. Politicians managed to grab the hallowed last place followed closely by… er… journalists and sales people.
The study found that managers thought the most trustworthy people were friends and family.
Still the managers surveyed don't come across as the sharpest tools in the box, as they collectively fingered