The Burning Issue:smoking bans

Following last week’s merry jaunt into the world of religious fundamentalism and intolerance, Guru returns to what he knows best – namely, bluster and self-importance.

This week’s aptly named burning issue is the smoking ban. As someone who regularly enjoys a puff, Guru finds it outrageous that he will no longer be able to have a smoke with his lunchtime pie and pint, served by his favourite barmaid at his favourite local hostelry. And who’s to blame? Those self-righteous, nimby windbags perched on their cushioned green benches in Parliament.

Who are these people that claim to represent the wishes of the common people? Guru has plenty of close personal friends strongly opposed to any sort of smoking ban. Admittedly, these aren’t the type of people who go to the pub for a mineral water and lightly-toasted panini, if you get my meaning. Come to think of it, they think fox hunting is an enjoyable Sunday morning pastime. But anyway, they have rights as well.

In protecting one group’s human rights – pub workers – the government is impinging on another’s – the much-maligned smokers. So now Guru is faced with a stark choice: find somewhere else to eat, or give up the fags. There’s only one option: Guru is going on a strict liquid diet. Make mine a large one…

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