Archer is your ‘top meeting menace’

UK workers have named the group of people they would least like to have a meeting with, and (surprise, surprise) Jeffrey Archer tops the list.

A third of the UK believes Jeffrey Archer would be the most irritating person to have a meeting with, according to training company, Video Arts. Archer beat fellow difficult celebrities Jeremy Paxman, Jamie Oliver, Madonna and Simon Cowell to win the title of ‘top meeting menace’.

When it came to dealing with menaces, respondents showed a lack of stiff upper lips, with more than three-quarters saying they would ignore a ‘meeting menace’ or withdraw from conversation altogether.

The study shows the most hated ‘meeting menaces’ are: ‘the waffler’, ‘the dominator’, ‘the assassin’ (one who kills others’ ideas but offers none in return), the ultra-defensive ‘turf warrior’ and ‘the interrupter’.

Armani Burger King reporting for duty

A disciple recently informed Guru of a conspiracy to change everyone’s surname to that of the company they worked for.

If anyone were sceptical, then Guru would like to offer further evidence in support of this eponymic nightmare. With US culture quietly infiltrating our own, and our alarming propensity to adopt the customs of our cousins across the pond, tremble at the following statistics…

More and more parents in the US are naming their children after luxury brands. In 2001, there were 273 boys and 298 girls called Armani; 269 Chanels (all girls); 24 girls called Porsche and six male Timberlands. Also popular were Nike, Nivea, Evian, Fanta, Guinness, Pepsi, and Lexus.

One set of proud parents called their child Lexxus, after the mother had seen a Lexus parked at her local McDonalds. The father insisted on the extra ‘x’ to make it more original.

An HR joke for you…

One day, while walking down the road, an HR director was hit by a bus and died.

Her soul was met by St Peter at the Pearly Gates. “It seems we have a problem. We’ve never had an HR director make it this far and we’re not really sure what to do with you, so we’re allowing you one day in hell and one in heaven, and then you can decide where to spend eternity.”

St Peter put the executive in a lift and she went down to hell. The doors opened and she stepped out onto a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends.

She met the Devil (who was a nice chap) and she had a great time. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got back into the lift. The doors opened again at the Pearly Gates. She spent the next 24 hours lounging around on the clouds, playing the harp and singing. Before she knew it, her time was up.

“Choose your eternity,” St Peter said. The woman replied: “Heaven is great, but I think I had a better time in hell.”

So, St Peter escorted her to the lift and she went back to hell. When the doors opened, she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in rubbish. The Devil appeared and put his arm around her. “I don’t understand,” said the woman. “When I was here yesterday, I saw a golf course and a country club, and we ate lobster and had a great time.”

The Devil smiled. “Yesterday, we were recruiting you. Today, you’re staff.”

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