Entrepreneurs in China let down easy

Here are a trio of cracking wee submissions – as Guru’s Scottish granny would say – from disciples.

One anonymous acolyte from the East sent an e-mail to say that in China, they have launched their own version of The Apprentice. However, cultural differences mean the catchphrase ‘You’re fired’ is inappropriate, and instead the presenter suggests the would-be entrepreneurs “might find better opportunities elsewhere”.

Guru is looking forward to the day when a well-informed Apprentice contestant invokes the statutory dismissal procedure when told they’re out.

Meanwhile, in another part of town, disciple Mandy got the following e-mail this week:

Morning Mandy, I am sorry but I am unable to attend the child protection course on Friday 24 March. I have just returned from holiday and my manager is not around this week. I must apologise for any incontinence this has caused you.

Now that’s just taking the p*ss.

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Finally, disciple James was confronted with this disastrous piece of management speak, which goes to show the art is still alive and well and evolving like some vicious virus.

His boss turned to him and declared he “didn’t want to put lipstick on the pig”. What???!!!