Guru has no love for those innovations catalogues that plague him in the run-up to Christmas each year. He is a fan of new technology only insofar as it supports his own dastardly aims.
So it was with great delight that he discovered British scientists have sequenced a human X-chromosome and are close to perfecting a method that could write an individual’s genome on to a CD (for a mere £100,000).
Many of you will be familiar with Guru’s personal campaign for the Amazing (day of) Grace – whereby HR can fire one employee in every hundred each year without penalty, retribution or tribunal claim.
To date, Guru has considered that the process would have to be subjective – based purely on managers’ unreasonable prejudices – since it has not been clear how to empirically decide which of the many slackers, losers, whingers, ne’er-do-wells and just-plain-idiots to sack.
But now, thanks to the boffins at Solexa, employers could soon buy details of the genetic make-up of their staff, with the sole aim of objectively ranking them in order of the prevalence of stupid genes, lazy genes, or whatever genes cause greatest offence.
Guru salutes Britain’s top eggheads on their breakthrough and now urges employers to start collecting hair follicles and spit from their staff without delay.