Guru

This
week’s gurus

Lying
superheroes are no fun

Guru
was shocked to come across research revealing that almost half of employees
have admitted lying in job interviews.

And
apparently, men are twice as likely to conceal the truth about their
qualifications or experience from a prospective employer as women.

The
study, by the Consumer Analysis Group, also reveals that the majority of people
have lied about their jobs at some point to impress in a social situation.

Some
of the more unlikely boasts include civil servants who claim to be spies, and
an accountant who said he was a dolphin trainer.

Guru
has to admit, there might have been the odd occasion when he has stretched the
truth when outlining his job description. People’s eyes start to glaze over
when he tries to explain what an HR guru actually does. He tends to get a much
more positive reaction (particularly from the ladies) when he explains how he
defended our skies as a swing-wing fighter pilot.

Age cheats or human baggage?

Guru would advise readers who are thinking about adapting their retirement
policies to read this week’s legal pages, where some of the problems
surrounding the Government’s plans to abolish mandatory retirement are
discussed.

But it is not just in the UK where the issue of retirement is causing
concerns for employers. In India, more than 1,000 council workers are to
undergo a bone marrow age test to prove they should be retired. Employees at Kolkata
Municipal Corporation (KMC) in Calcutta will be given the tests because bosses
suspect many workers should have retired long ago, but have carried on working
so they can claim redundancy benefits.

Sixty is the normal age of retirement in India, but a KMC doctor says many
employees who have now volunteered for a redundancy payout may be 65.

Subrata Mukherjee, the mayor of Kolkata, said: "We suspect 3 to 5 per
cent of our KMC employees are beyond the age of 60, and we are being
cheated."

Guru suspects that progressive HR policies have not yet reached Kolkata, as
Mukherjee continued: "We are determined to get rid of this human baggage
to build up a more efficient workforce."

Calling all red blooded men: the HR women are waiting…

Next week, Guru will publish the lonely heart messages from disciples who have
responded to his HR love-in. Guru is hopeful the amorous e-mails could lead to
the perfect union of HR professionals – imagine the people management potential
of the off-spring. It could be the start of a HR super-race.

If this is to happen, Guru could do with a few more entries from men. Come
on guys, we all know HR is ‘totty heavy’ – even Guru would fancy his chances of
pulling if he entered the lurve-in.

To whet the appetite of the hot-blooded male HR professionals out there,
Guru has provided a teaser of the talent on offer:

Blonde lady, 31, based in Brum,
Whose love-life has become too humdrum,
Seeks a man over 30,
(She’s really quite flirty),
As long as he’s got a nice bum!