Guru

This week’s guru

Stretching credibility to support knicker claim

A study highlighting some truly outrageous expenses claims by staff shocked
even Guru, who is renowned for his imaginative approach to reimbursing himself
for business-related costs.

The survey for Buzz airline reveals employees have made claims for items
such as camel rides, hot air balloon trips, a 100 bottles of Irish whisky andÉ
support knickers.

One surreal member of staff raised eyebrows at his head office by putting in
a claim for ‘hiring a turkey that could be trained to walk on a lead’.

Guru blushed when he read about some of the seedier business entertainment
claims, such as visits to lapdancing clubs and pay-per-view porn TV channels in
hotels.

But he applauded one like-minded soul, who defended his claim for a £120
bottle of wine by arguing that his French let him down when ordering a meal in
Marseilles.

Cash bonuses offered to cops who pass the liquor sales test

Reforms to policing in the UK announced this year include proposals to
modernise work practices and the reward system – including performance-related
pay.

So far it has not been revealed exactly how performance will be assessed and
rewarded.

Guru suggests the Home Secretary considers following the Indian model, where
bobbies receive cash bonuses if liquor sales increase on their patch. The
scheme is aimed at reducing the consumption of cheap illicit bootleg liquor
from unlicensed stores.

Authorities claim the initiative will only increase the efficiency of the
officers.

State Excise minister Anil Deshmukh said: "It’s funny, but true.
Increases in liquor sales are being treated as a barometer to check the
performance of our staff."

Power men are big in bedroom dept

Women find senior managers and company directors are better in bed than more
lowly staff members, according to a new study.

A survey of hundreds of Italian women reveals that two-thirds found greater
sexual satisfaction from "powerful men in socially respected
positions".

The Institute for Interdisciplinary Psychology, which conducted the study,
surveyed women aged between 25 and 55. A spokesman for the institute said the
reason why women find men in power a better bet in the sack is because they
bring them a sense of security.

A rather embittered Guru had always naively thought the reason women tend to
be attracted to men in power is more closely linked to the contents of their
wallets than any feelings of security.

Direct approach to recruit staff may not work

Guru has always welcomed innovative approaches to recruitment so he was
impressed by the way in which one telesales boss in Bury, Greater Manchester,
found her new staff. She distributed leaflets detailing vacancies in her
company, while standing outside the town’s Job Centre.

Unfortunately, the Job Centre manager was not so impressed by
her initiative and told her to move on because she was ‘poaching’ the
unemployed.