Guru

This week’s guru

Euro nightmare brings Italian
bedroom chaos

Guru
has always been slightly suspicious of the euro. Britain is outperforming the
Eurozone – with higher growth, lower unemployment and lower inflation – so why
rush to introduce the new currency?

But Guru has
discovered a more worrying reason for opposing the introduction of the euro in
the UK.

A survey by Italian
bankers’ association Bancafinanza shows that 64 per cent of employees have
experienced sexual problems with their partners due to worries over the
currency swap.

The changeover is also
leading to extra working hours and the fear of calculating wrong conversions is
giving nightmares to 45 per cent of the 980 employees polled.

Guru is understandably
worried – if hot-blooded Italians are losing their libido over the introduction
of the euro, what hope for a sexually repressed English academic?

No
more Aussie trolley dollies

Air hostesses in
Australia are trying to shake off their "trolley dolly" image.

They are starting a
campaign aimed at changing the public’s perception of them and gaining
recognition as responsible "air safety professionals".

Australia’s Flight
Attendants Association wants to highlight its members’ skills in security,
medical emergencies and fire evacuation procedures and move away from their
"coffee, tea or me" stereotype.

As far as Guru is
concerned, such a move is long overdue. He has always been fascinated by air
hostesses and their uncanny ability to serve hot coffee while defying
turbulence and sexual harassment.

Office
stress? Call in the vicar

Employers and staff in
Birmingham could soon be benefiting from spiritual guidance in the workplace.

The
inter-denominational Churches Industrial Group wants to employ two business
chaplains to visit firms battling against the economic downturn. They would
play a role in counselling worried employees facing redundancy.

The CIG is optimistic
that companies will contribute towards the estimated £30,000 a year cost of
employing each chaplain. Fortunately it has stopped short of introducing
confessional boxes into the boardroom.

But Guru doubts that
all employers will be happy to pay up – the chaplains will also be criticising
what they think are morally dubious business and management practices.

The
risks from coffee and carpets…

Guru
was surprised to read that it is not only Ministry of Defence personnel in
Afghanistan and other high-risk countries whose safety is at risk on a daily
basis.

Research shows that
9,000 MoD civil servants were injured in the office last year. Civilian staff
received MoD compensation payouts totalling £3m as a result of some of these
workplace incidents.

Claims included an
employee who was thrown across an office by static electricity and an asthma
attack caused by carpet dust.

Other incidents
included coffee spills, falling over waste bins, bad backs, tired eyes and
strained wrists.

The MoD is now helping
staff cope with stress through the use of relaxation periods, reflexology and
risk assessment advisers. If that fails then it is boot camp for the lot of
them.