Guru

This week’s guru

Eh, eh, calm down, calm down, what’s the joke?

As an avid "Brookie" fan (that’s the soap opera Brookside for
non-watchers), Guru cannot understand the findings of a new report by European
management school EM Lyon.

It claims that while most continental managers have a strong command of
English, many have difficulty understanding English expressions and humour,
especially from Liverpudlians. Guru had to tell himself to "caarm
down" several times after reading this.

They also accuse the British of being clock-obsessed and using special
language codes when talking business in order to confuse overseas managers.

However, suspicion cuts both ways. Les Ros Boeufs believe the French are
pushy when it comes to business, and incapable of giving positive feedback.
Touché.

High-fliers must pay to work

The airline industry might be getting a bit of battering at the moment, but
there are still plenty of people desperate to become pilots.

Ryanair is receiving so many applications to fly its planes that it has
introduced a £50 charge to weed out timewasters.

It recently received 8,500 applications for 60 jobs. These included 600 from
people under 16 years of age, who didn’t have provisional driving licenses let
alone pilot qualifications.

The budget airline operator has written a new chapter in the definitive book
on recruitment – how to select the best staff and make an earner at the same
time. Considering the market, you can’t blame them.

Wossy thinks it’s all over HR

Jonathan Ross and pensions minister Ian McCartney made an entertaining
double act at the Personnel Today awards ceremony at the Grovesnor House Hotel
in London.

The lanky, flop-haired comedian and the diminutive Scotsman swapped jackets
as the minister appeared on stage to announce the overall winner.

Enveloped in Ross’ revolting Armani, McCartney told the They Think It’s All
Over star he envied his ability to turn up at an awards bash, rubbish the
audience for an hour and then swan off with a fat pay cheque.

Ross, who warned McCartney not to touch anything in his pockets, told the
audience the catering staff had been delighted when they heard they would be
working for the Personnel Today awards – not because the HR profession is
renowned as big tippers but because they knew they were very unlikely to be
sexually harassed.

Wanted: employee to return to work

Retaining your best employees has
never been more important as the economy looks set to face a severe downturn.

So Guru was impressed by the innovative approach of a Romanian
employer who is using newspaper adverts to tempt a valuable member of staff to
return to work.

The missing employee went on sick leave five months ago,
returned to his job for one week and the disappeared once more.

His boss is puzzled by his employee’s no-show but said he still
wanted him back because his skills and professionalism were badly needed.

The advert says he’s "kindly asked to return to his
job".