Guru says:
don’t be a sad soul on Valentine’s day. Here are 24 other sad souls seeking
attention. You too can find love
Guru has come over all Cilla. He has been inundated with so many witty
messages for his HR Lurve-in that he feels sure he will be purchasing a hat in
the near future.
So here is how it works: If you like the sound of one of these marvellous
disciples – and live within the area – then e-mail [email protected], including
the number of the lonely heart and a short message about yourself. Guru will
then forward your message to the relevant person – no further personal or
contact details about the lonely heart will be released and it is entirely up
to them whether they want to contact you. Guru does, however, fully expect to
be informed about any ensuing dates, relationships, court cases, etc
(off-the-record, of course).
Men seeking women
1. A tall, sporty lad from Leeds,Who hasn’t sewn all his seeds. I’m not that choosy,(She could be a floosie),As
long as she fulfils my needs!
2. Single, tall, 24-year-old male in HR (yes, we do exist) and lookin’ 4 the
best thing in London: you. I’m fun, exciting and looking to pamper any single,
similar-aged HR ladies. Drop me an e-mail.
3. No matter wot u look like, I’ll always luv ya dear.  Now shut up while the footy’s on, And get
me anotha beer! Age 38, Hampshire.
4. Solvent 46-year-old HR generalist living in Warwickshire. NS with a
wicked SOH. Enjoys travel, most sports (but not curling) and eating
out/pubs. Seeks similar, looks not
important.
5. HR is such fun, we’re agreed, But my love life is badly in need! So are
you in your thirties, Feel a little bit flirty, And happen to live quite near
Leeds?
6. I am a recently liberated, fit, thirty something looking for a liberated,
fit, flirty, thirty something somewhere out there. I like virtually everything,
and whatever it is it will be fun. Cardiff
7. Genuine personnel professional, dedicated to equalities, seeking
entertaining, attractive single female for manpower planning review. Good
communication skills essential, along with willingness to work flexible hours.
8. Male, 28, I’m straight. I work in HR, can’t get no staff, there’s no
other half. Send me a CV, there’s no perks here. And employment terms are
unclear.
Women seeking men
9. Three working girls from Wales are we, Looking for some Valentines – we
must have three! 30+ and in need of
some fun, Three modern men would help us a tonne!
10. Nicely-developed lady, 41, wants hands-on specialist to analyse her
needs, deliver one-to-one and review her needs on a regular basis – a very
regular basis. Essex
11. Thirty-year-old Aylesbury Duck, Working too much, Not playing
enough. This is her big mistake, Do you
want to be her Drake, And make her life rotate?
12. Heavy totty (to paraphrase Guru), probably female, 48, Derbyshire, HR
professional thus hates people, bases style on Catbert, Dilbert’s evil HR
director. Surprisingly, alone on Valentine’s.
13. 24-year-old, stunning, raven-haired siren returns from years in France
to find Cardiff woefully short of men who live up to the length of her legs.
14. Blonde lady, 31, based in Brum, Whose love-life has become too humdrum.
Seeks a man over 30, (She’s really quite flirty), As long as he’s got a nice
bum!
15. Female, 33, from Hampshire. Personnel princess with own empire seeks
handsome HR prince. Must have own castle and enjoy a lavish lifestyle. Trusty
steed optional.
16. Brunette, 43, from East Lancs, Underwhelmed with support role for planks.
Needs a cerebral guy,(No half-wits need apply) But all e-mails welcomed, with
thanks!
17. 37-year-old, attractive female located in Gloucestershire. Well
proportioned, exclusive and in sought after location. Full of character and
charm, best appreciated by discerning individual. Viewing by appointment only.
18. I’m a sweetheart P.O. from Worcestershire, With a manic grin and short,
spiky hair. 35 years of age, but acts 21, My non-sensible nature still gets
things done. So hurry up menfolk and drop me a line, And you too could soon be
feeling divine!
19. Quintegenarian female endomorph, located in sunny Lancashire, own house,
teeth and hair. Lift goes to top. WLTM like-minded male for cosy séances,
visits to ethereal planes and paranormal philandering.
20. Hello Boys! Female, aged 28, from Merseyside, with Vava-voom, requires
your attention!
21. In my spare time I restore old relics for the National Trust, jump up
and down at Brixton Academy, and relax with a DVD of a vampire or two. Age 29,
Middlesex
22. I love travel, the seaside, the countryside, walking, gymnastics, my
friends and my family. If you want to know more you will have to contact
me! Age 31, Brighton
23. Gert nice West Country woman could do with nice tall, 50ish chap to not talk
about HR with.
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24. I am 48 and live on the Sussex/Surrey border. I am an early riser and a
complete country bumpkin. I enjoy tennis, skiing, walking, eating and cinema.
Act now! Email [email protected]
and you might find the HR professional of your dreams! Remember to include
the number of the lonely heart you want to contact and a short message about
yourself. Guru will forward your message to the relevant person. No further
personal or contact details about the lonely heart will be released to you – it
is entirely up to them whether or not to get in touch with you.
