Honestly, I’m not at all bitter…

After the longest Christmas and New Year break since the war, coming back to
work this year has caused a virtual epidemic of grouchiness. For me, this piece
of millennium advice to give to your boss topped the lot for crabbiness.

• Never give me work in the morning. Wait until 5pm and then bring it to me.
The challenge of deadline is always refreshing.

• If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to
inquire how it’s going. That will help.

• Always leave without telling me where you’re going. It gives me the chance
to be creative when someone asks me where you are.

• If my arms are full of boxes, papers etc, don’t open the door for me. I
need to learn how to be independent and do without help. That’s why I work

• If you give me more than one job, don’t tell me which is the priority. Let
me guess. It builds my management skills and my mind-reading abilities.

• Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and I have nothing else to
do in my life. It’s all yours.

• If my work pleases you, keep it a secret. Leaks like that could get me a

• If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in

• Never introduce me to people you’re with. When you refer to them later, my
shrewd deductions will identify them.

• Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to
know someone else is less fortunate.

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