The lengths disciples will go to prove their loyalty constantly amazes Guru.
But when this photo arrived of HR consultant Jess Eagers-Hardie holding Personnel Today on the happiest day of her life, even Guru was gob smacked. This is unfamiliar territory.
While many a women has turned to Guru for instant happiness, he’s usually responsible for the end of marriages and has nothing to do with their beginnings.
But why did Mrs E-H choose to show her dedication in this way? Colleague Jane Neale said that ‘come hell or high water’ the blushing bride had to get a Guru mouse mat, and that she loved Guru. Of course.
If you can get a picture of yourself with Personnel Today at a special event, you too can share in the joy of the aforementioned mousemat.
You can take the man out of the cell…
An escaped Brazilian convict was recaptured after he got a job driving a prison bus.
Leandro Luis Sao Pedro did a runner after an official day out from Valparaiso prison in Sao Paulo. He then took a job driving a minibus that takes friends and relatives to visit prisoners at another Sao Paulo prison, but was arrested after a routine inspection.
A local police spokesperson said of the hapless Leandro: “How dumb can you be? You escape prison and then get a job where you drive inside another prison every week.”
Guru can only admire the running man for his dedication to re-entering society, but as author Irvine Welsh has astutely pointed out, while everybody dislikes prison, some people just don’t dislike it enough.
With a reported influx of illegal South American immigrants, Guru warns police chiefs to tread carefully before they order WPCs to go out and ‘get a Brazilian’.
Samurai warriors need not apply
It is obviously vital that your CV creates the best possible summary of your qualifications, experience and skills. However, an element that jobseekers often overlook when drawing up CVs is the importance that recruiters place on ‘other interests’.
A survey of more than 900 recruiters by Reed.co.uk reveals that eight out of 10 employers say the ‘other interests’ section on CVs influence their recruitment decisions.
The research shows that jobseekers who write too much or in too much detail here are least likely to impress recruiters – nearly one in three employers would not shortlist people who fall into this category. Those applicants who cite ‘drinking’ as their sole interest will be automatically discarded by 27 per cent of recruiters. And jobseekers who highlight weird or inappropriate interests are also unlikely to make the interview shortlist.
Some of the real-life examples highlighted by the survey include job applicants who proudly refer to interests such as ferret racing, Samurai sword collecting, train-spotting, and medieval battle re-enactments.
Guru’s favourite, though, was the young lady who thought that including ‘pleasing my boyfriend between the sheets’ under other interests would secure her that job of a lifetime. It might, but possibly not quite the career she had in mind.
Poetic justice for work-shy skivers
More absenteeism limericks as Guru ensures HR staff are too busy to work…
Carol Walker, Robert Gordon University, Aberdeen:
For absent workers, I fear,
Their spelling is never too clear,
I started a list,
So that I never missed,
The 57 types of ‘dyrear’!
John Blenkiron, HR manager at Worcestershire County Council:
A naughty young fellow called Ricky
Who frequently pulled a fake sickie
Was taken aback
When given the sack
For blatantly taking the Mickey
Lydia Smith, HR officer, Stockport:
There was a GP from Lochness
Renowned for his support for stress
He had the ability
To diagnose debility
In those who sought to work less