Work bashes are a bit of a tightrope. If you don’t put them on, then staff call you a miser. If you do host them, then putting all the malcontents in one room will probably foster subversion.
This in turn means all will go awry when you have to crush an uprising while the sales department is in the middle of a rousing rendition of Come on Eileen by Dexy’s Midnight Runners.
In the interests of ensuring you silence all dissenters, Guru recommends you approach things in a similar way to mayor Hugo Uzair of 9 de Julio – an Argentine town named after the country’s Independence Day.
He is forcing all public sector workers (about 70% of the town’s workforce) to attend his birthday party – and they even have to pay for the privilege.
On arrival, they will have to sign a book to show they attended. If they can’t afford to go, the Mayor’s office will deduct the price from their wages.
Inevitably, the workers are a bit miffed by this. Fortunately, his mother, Fatima Uzair, who is an MP for the town, stood up for the mayor, saying:
“People love my Huguito [Little Hugo].” Not for long, by the sounds of it.