Large insult nothing compared to drip

There have been so many tales of interview-based skulduggery that have come Guru’s way now that he’s beginning to wonder if it wouldn’t be more of a challenge to get his disciples to send in examples of talented, erudite applicants who got the job.

Here are two more stories, which show that you don’t even need to get into the office to mess things up:

Dear Guru

Our receptionist told me about a man who came to us for an interview. He approached her at the reception desk and exclaimed: “Wow, you’re massive!” The poor lady, startled at his rudeness, uttered that she had actually been trying to lose weight recently. Horrified, the man pointed to the plaque behind her head that listed all the organisations registered within the bigger group and said: “Actually, I meant the company.”

Disciple Tracey

Dear Guru,

My favourite recruitment tale starts late one Friday afternoon. The phone rings, and I answer.

“‘Ave you got any jobs?” enquires the caller, who sounds like she is calling from a damp cavern or basement and accompanied by occasional dripping sounds. Following a discussion about her chosen career path (“I’ve mostly worked in shoe shops”), and how the only vacancy we had was for an environmental health technician, I asked her if she had subscribed to our vacancy website. She hadn’t, so I offered to give her our web address. “Aw, I don’t fink I’ll bovver dear. I ain’t got a pen and I’ll have to get out of the bath to get one,” she replied.

Disciple Charlie

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