Speak English or join the penguins

The senior folk in business are often making unfair demands on their staff. Outrageous diktats such as ‘Get in to work before midday’ and ‘Stop hacking the firewall and looking at porn’ come Guru’s way with alarming regularity.

But Guru does have to admit it could be worse. Take the example of Turkmenistan’s president, who has threatened to sack his entire cabinet unless ministers become fluent in English in the next six months.

President Saparmurat Niyazov Turkmenbashi gave the order to facilitate better negotiations with other governments and encourage foreign investment.

“In the next six months, you have to be able to speak English without the help of an interpreter,” he told his hapless ministers. “I don’t care whether you pay for a teacher or you learn it on your own, but you have to talk English in six months. Anyone not fulfilling my decree will be sacked.”

Looking at it objectively, you can see his point. But you still have to be worried bearing in mind this is a person who ordered a 10m zoo to be built in the bakingly hot Karakorum desert to house penguins. He thinks they’ll all starve due to global warming… if they are not brought to the desert.

This man is a nutter.

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