Topless teaching will resolve the skills crisis

Two wonderfully juxtaposed titbits appeared before Guru this week – unremarkable in themselves, but when squashed together they formed a very juicy pair.

On the one hand, there was a story about half-naked girls serving coffee as a ‘Sexpresso’ fad consumes the US, and on the other, a new intense ‘Espresso Learning’ training initiative. Oh how Guru’s, err… mind, boggled.

Lord Sandy Leitch missed a trick here, Yours Truly mused. All that banging on about the need for an employer pledge, refocused training systems, Level Two qualifications… Lord Leitch, Guru brings you the answer to all your skills problems – Sexpresso Learning.

The ‘lost generation’ would not be so hard to ‘upskill’ once you offered them topless hotties serving cappuccinos while they ran through the Keynesian theory of macroeconomics. And to prove he is not sexist, Guru is happy to offer lessons to those of the female persuasion, wearing nothing but his finest Y-fronts and a well-honed smile.

There is so much that training providers could take from the fine caffeine vendors of North America. Class numbers on Intermediate Spreadsheet Management at Doncaster Town Hall would surely benefit from a study of Seattle’s Sweet Spot Café’s ‘Wet T-shirt Wednesdays’. It’s all about staff engagement, and while Guru would not like to be engaged to any of the waitresses at Cowgirls Espresso, he would damn well like to be given a Level Four education by them once a week and call it evening classes.


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