Young fools don’t know they’re born

Guru has long suspected that the kids of today need a good talking to about responsibilities, looking to the future and the value of money. Now, finally, he has the evidence to prove it.

Research by pensions administrator DC Link found that four in 10 employees are turning down the Rolls-Royce of pension schemes – where their contributions are matched by their employers.

These figures were significantly boosted by 20- to 30-year-olds – half of whom can’t be bothered to collect the maximum pension payments on offer from their employers. Presumably they are too busy cutting holes in their jeans, downloading Lily Allen tracks, and looking for casual sex in over-priced nightclubs to save for their futures in the most cost-effective manner.

So while the generation that fought the Nazis is reduced to demonstrating outside Westminster to recover its pension funds, the grandchildren whose futures they fought to protect are shunning the few generous schemes on offer to party like there’s no tomorrow.

Well, unless Guru gets his hands on them first, these shortsighted under-30s will find there is a tomorrow, and that it is one that has been inadequately funded by the government. Then Guru will have the last laugh, watching them begging for merciful release from their poverty-stricken old age, while he lives a life of luxury from the proceeds of his book, Why The Young Should Have Listened To Me.

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