Ask me no HR questions

This week’s guru

Ask me no HR questions’ and I’ll tell you no lies

Guru had the pleasure of joining Nicky Campbell on Radio Five Live last week
in an intellectual debate on the rights of single people at work.

In the pursuit of media glory, Guru had to argue that the raft of workplace
legislation introduced over the past few years protects married employees who
have children. As everyone knows, this places an unfair burden on the young,
free and single.

There was just one problem with this line of argument – Guru has seven
children at the last count and has been married for what seems like decades.

Fortunately, though, the listeners weren’t interested and before Guru got
rumbled, they were phoning in to ask what Guru’s favourite Jack Lemmon film is,
and whether PFI would deliver improved public services – subjects that Guru
could at least give an honest answer to. ("Some Like It Hot", and
"possibly", for those too busy to tune in to Nicky Campbell.)

Law will ensure leaner fat cats

What’s the difference between a shopping trolley and a non-executive
director? Shopping trolleys have a mind of their own, and you can get more food
and drink into a non-executive director.

While this is still the view the media holds of those important bastions of
business, Guru was told in no uncertain way at the Watson Wyatt/CIPD conference
on directors’ pay, that this is no longer the case.

While legislation rapidly approaches which will force companies to justify
how directors’ remuneration is determined, non-executive directors need not
fear media accusations of idleness. They’ll be kept busy as fully paid-up
members of the remuneration committees.

Full house at every meeting

Meetings at PPG Industries haven’t been the same since it got gripped by
lingo bingo. Guru’s HR pals at the US multinational reckon they have come up
with the definitive list.

They defy anyone to get through a meeting without hearing one of the
following: "results driven; proactive not reactive; a win-win situation;
think outside the box; the full nine yards; core business; put this one to bed,
left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing, box it off, the big picture
and finally (more appropriately) let’s kick this one into touch." deliver

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