Coffee fib lands copper in the clink


A Swiss policeman is regretting an unauthorised coffee break after it cost him 30 days in prison.

The Basel-based copper stopped for a cuppa to steel himself against the winter cold while on night patrol and filed a report to say that he was there answering a call about a break-in at the restaurant.

He was rumbled after colleagues questioned the restaurant owner about the alleged break-in and he denied any knowledge of it.

A court ruled that the falsification of documents deserved a month-long stint in chokey, making him the coffee mug this time.

Master of spin helps Guru identify destiny

Last week, former Downing Street director of strategy and communications, Alistair Campbell, put Guru’s head in a spin after saying work-life balance was just not an option for some politicians.

“At the top level, politicians work at least a 16-hour day, plus weekends,” Campbell told Guru. “That’s just the way it is. I don’t think it is really possible to ease the workload.”

Campbell was speaking exclusively to Guru (and a few others) at the Marketing Society’s annual conference in London, and has now seriously dented Guru’s desire to rule the country as its democratically elected leader.

Never deterred for long (due to his goldfish-like attention span), Guru came up with an alternative proposal – he would be king. Work-luxury balance among the Royals has hit a new high after Guru learned from a source at Buckingham Palace that the Queen doesn’t even sign the letters given to those reaching their hundred years – it is done by a machine.

The fact the centenarians probably can’t even make out the signature is neither here nor there – even Guru can see there’s a principle at stake, and he long since forgot all of his.

Guru crowns first five book winners

Last week, the generous people at Personnel Today offered you the chance to win a copy of Body Language at Work if you sent in your guesses as to the meaning of the posture, pictured right.

Guru thinks it a little unfair he was landed with the fallout of this competition, having to pore over strange and slightly scary submissions, with far too many concentrating on cross-dressing and others definitely breaching recent discrimination legislation.

Guru wants more of the funny side and less of the dark side, if you please.

Comedy traumas aside, here are the first five gems of HR who win a copy of Body Language at Work.

The final five are next week – so keep those entries coming:

– “Okay, very funny. Now give me back my jacket. This role play training is really getting out of hand.”

Annette Smith, HR and admin manager, Peerless Europe

– The new Diversity at Work Policy begins to pay dividends, with a warm welcome to the company’s first Hobbit.

David Bowen, HR officer, GeoPost UK Ltd

– The posture signifies a possible date. Very positive and keen on the man’s part, the woman a little hesitant… his touch is designed to reassure her, to accept the offer, while he checks out her… muscle tone.

Heather Picton, marketing consultant, ICAS

– Touching her arm, holding her eyes, is that ginger hair part of his disguise? A nervous man, an anxious lady – will there soon be a Christmas party baby?

Scott J Miller, consultant, Hays HR Personnel

– “But my dear, you will have to take the jacket off so that you can handle the kettle and coffee jar safely”

Tony Howell, personnel consultant, Nationwide

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