Dogs of war called in to see off the big cats

I had an interesting chat with a likeminded compatriot the other day over a rather long lunch. Maybe it was the booze talking, but we soon came to the conclusion that staff are no longer dogs – they are cats.

Gone are the days when they looked up lovingly at their employers with their tongues lolling out, ready to pounce on their pay packets with their tails wagging appreciatively. Gone are the days when they would stick their heads out the window in a self-contented manner as the business powered them on their way.

Instead we are left with employees who think we are in their debt because they deign to grace us with their presence. They look on us with a disdain that proclaims “I am God and you owe me one for giving you my services”. In short, they are cats.

I’m not quite sure when the metamorphosis was completed but it’s left me having kittens, I can tell you. But there is hope. Last week we saw the Royal Navy proudly celebrating the Battle of Trafalgar. ‘England expects every man shall do his duty’ was the maxim which won the day and I’m willing to bet there wasn’t a sailor among them who thought this was an unreasonable request. So harness this message as it echoes down the ages and make people realise they are lucky to be working for such a venerable person as you.

Let the cats know that you have released the dogs of war. To reinforce this message, I recommend you do what I’m doing – build a giant column with a statue of you on top.

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