Herd mentality wins Christmas magic

Guru’s legendary mail bag has been expanding on a daily basis to accommodate your suggestions for the Amazing Day of Grace campaign. But, like the Amazing Day of Grace, Christmas comes but once a year, so a winner of some festive fun – to be provided by Leger de Main  – had to be swiftly chosen.

So, as the goose is getting ever fatter, Guru emptied his enormous sack into an unfeasibly large top hat, before plucking out the lucky winner in front of one suitably independent adjudicator.

And the winner is… the Zoological Society of London, courtesy of training and HR manager Karen, who succumbed to her animal instincts and proposed the following solution to ensure the little guys (and gals) can get in on the act:

Dear Guru,

I fully support this campaign. However, I can see the original idea is easier for larger organisations to benefit, so to ensure smaller organisations are equally supported I suggest the following:

Assuming that the ratio remains 1:100 (ie, one dismissee in 100 staff) I would like to see the government provide a ‘roving’ group of 99 people who could be hired by small organisations on the appropriate day, for just long enough to fire the chosen one. Those 99 people would then also be fired (without reprisal), for a small fee. To speed up the process this could all be done by text. I estimate that the group of 99 could actually be hired and fired enough times to make a small fortune.

While Karen is undoubtedly committed to the fluffier side of HR, with such a (job) creationist attitude, Guru questions her commitment to the boy Darwin. However, he also sees an opportunity to give gainful employment to some of our tree-swinging cousins, who would not be covered by employment legislation and could be paid peanuts (literally).

Young and eager to make an impact

Talking of animal husbandry issues, the tales of shameful interviewee incompetence come a-plopping on to Guru’s doormat (and some come e-plopping on to his mouse mat) each morning. But the latest loser didn’t even make it to the interview stage:

Dear Guru,

For some time now, I have had the unenviable task of preparing sixth formers for job interviews, and the levels of stupidity still manage to surprise me.

One young fellow was so excited about getting his application in to a prospective local employer that, rather than risk the slowness and unreliability of the postal system, he decided to deliver his application in person.

He jumped on his bicycle and peddled furiously to the company’s premises, before dismounting in such a fashion that his handlebar went crashing through the firm’s plate glass display window. Needless to say, he didn’t get the job.

Disciple David

Guru feels an awards scheme coming on.


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