Hit squad grows as does the small print

The Amazing (day of) Grace campaign – whereby each year HR can fire one person for every 100 employees free of charge on a pre-ordained date – continues to draw the faithful to its noble cause.

If Guru was to be cynical he would say it’s because he’s giving away the services of the very talented chaps at Leger de Main. However, there does seem to be genuine desperation for the opportunity to give useless people the boot.

As the consultation over the precise nature of the regulations continues, disciples are sending in their suggestions by the bucket-load. If you have a suggestion, you could get the magic men round to your Christmas party so get in touch.

Disciple Carrie suggests that certain queries should automatically prove a defence for employers in the case of any tribunal claim contesting the regulations:

It is now Tuesday, and already this week I have been asked: “How much does it cost to send a letter recorded delivery” “Why does the roll lady have a bell and not a buzzer” and, my particular favourite (the straw that broke the camel’s back), “Why is the soap in the toilets very runny this week”. All those years of studying for nothing!!! I would like to support your annual idiot cull and I have one contender already with clean hands.

Further small print is offered by Disciple Gill, making Guru very proud of his disciples’ dedication to making sure all the loopholes will be closed.

Dear Guru,

I would like to add the following criteria [to make someone eligible under the regulations]:

  • The one whose e-mails you never want to open.

  • The one who has made it their business to know all the latest employment law – and made sure you know they do.

  • The one who blames everyone else for the missing report/paper/minutes/file, etc.

  • The one who has made excuses an art form.

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