Man sacked for showing naked ambition

A worker in Des Moines, Iowa, in the good ol’ US of A, has been fired from his job as a greeter at Wal-Mart for welcoming customers to his store with a photo of himself naked except for a strategically placed sack.

Dean Wooten, 65, had been working at the Wal-Mart for seven years when bosses heard stories that he was telling shoppers that this would be his new uniform as Wal-Mart was cutting back.

They asked him to stop his naked shenanigans, but a few days later began to hear that Wooten was once again up to no good.
Wal-Mart then terminated his employment and Wooten applied for unemployment benefits.

Wooten claimed that he meant the whole thing as a joke and didn’t mean to bring the company’s name into disrepute. Sadly he was denied his application.

Administrative law judge Susan Brightman, ruled that “a reasonable person would know the act of showing a naked body wearing a Wal-Mart sack would not be good for the employer’s business”.

With Guru’s extensive legal knowledge, it seems that the 60-something should have mounted a different defence as there was no way he could be given the sack since he was already in possession of the aforementioned item.

By being given the sack, Wooten was thus in custody of two sacks and since two negatives make a positive, Guru feels that Wal-Mart should be under an obligation to promote him instead.

For more succinct legal advice, contact Guru at his law firm Taykall, Yerkasch and Runne. The firm operates a no-win, big-fee policy.

UFO man dishes out words of wisdom

Every now and again Guru is forced to set his exorbitant consultancy fees aside and give someone else the credit for their wise words.

Below are a few examples of business acumen that could be helpful for the HR function. While they arrived from an Unidentified Foreign Office (UFO) worker, Guru doubts they will make it into any government pamphlet in their present form:

Corporate Lesson 1:

A sales rep, an administration clerk and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says: “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.”

“Me first! Me first!” says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. In astonishment, “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.”

Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Corporate Lesson 2:

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow and asked: “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”
The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Corporate Lesson 3:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.”

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally, after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bulls**t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

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