Guru’s recent call for lost jobs to highlight in his occasional David Attenborough-like forays into the ‘disappearing world of work’ has thrown a surprise lifeline to the careers of the disgraced Big Brother bullies.
For while chief bully Jade Goody and her two dumb chums may be finding it hard to find gainful employment since being rejected by ‘the nation’, Guru can reveal that legalised bullying is back. And what’s more, there’s a salary attached.
Disciple John has alerted Yours Truly to the sudden reappearance of ‘park bullies’ – sorry, ‘keepers’ – in the borough of Westminster. This is surely the ideal role for the nasty, sniping BBbitches.
Park keepers of the past seemed overly keen to play a crucial role in Guru’s upbringing. Without ‘parkies’, who would have clipped Guru around the ear for daring to walk on the grass? And who would have used a sharp pole to prod Guru out of the conker tree with potentially fatal consequences?
However, it seems today’s parkies have extended their list of banned activities to include the following:
No associating in big groups
No dropping litter
No fouling the pathway
No kicking leaves
No conker picking
No sitting on park benches
No entering out of hours
No picnics
No ball games
No dogs
No cats
No squirrels
No feeding the ducks
No rats, badgers, lions, tigers, elephants, etc.
Modern parkies will presumably be issued with guns and tazers to deal with today’s mobile phone thieves and other miscreants.
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