Transcranial stimulator crams eight hours’ sleep into three

Sleep-deprived employees everywhere will be rubbing their, um… eyes with glee at the news that scientists have found a way of squeezing the benefits of an eight-hour snooze into a mere three hours of shut-eye.

A US team reckons it has developed a technique – called ‘transcranial magnetic stimulation’ – that allows the body to refresh itself in a much shorter time than usual.

Once a machine is built to dish out this transcranial magnetic stimulation (sorry, Guru just can’t get enough of that phrase), poor sleep-starved professionals need suffer at work no more.

Imagine the possibilities. Overworked junior doctors could nip home for a quick go on the transcranial stimulator and return to operate on Little Johnny three hours later as fresh as daisies. On-call firemen could plug themselves in after a particularly gruelling game of cards, and be ready for action when Clarissa at Number 43 leaves her hair straighteners on the chip pan.

But, perhaps most usefully, Emma and Mandy from marketing could go to the wine bar, meet up with Warren and Baz from sales, and all four of could arrive at work in the morning as if they’d stayed in and watched The Apprentice.

The possibilities are endless. Gordon Brown’s first act as prime minister should be to march to Brussels with a transcranial stimulator and demand a new 70-hour week be allowed by the Working Time Directive.

In fact, clever HR staff should be looking at securing the funding for a few stimulators to be installed in their offices. Staff could sleep at their desks from 6am until 9am, and then give a full 21 hours to the company with no complaints.



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