Awaking with a start, a pain in the ribs and an angry scowl from the other side of the bed, Guru picked up his morning newspaper and read that the partners of snorers were making mistakes at work because of lost sleep.
Rubbish, he thought, until he opened his post and saw a letter of warning from Mrs Guru’s employer about dozing off at her ‘workstation’.
According to the British Snoring and Sleep Apnoea Association – Guru bets that’s a Christmas party to be at – people sharing beds with snorers lose two years of sleep during their lifetime.
Eight out of 10 said this had a detrimental effect on their relationships, with many saying it affected their sex life. Well, Guru recommends that all parties be awake when indulging in carnal activities.
A number of suggestions were made in the article to cure snoring and allow tired, sex-starved employees everywhere to get their eight hours in. These ranged from major surgery to a watch dispensing minor electric shocks. There are also, the association pointed out, specially designed beds and nightwear to keep anyone’s 40 winks a silent experience.
Hiding the article from Mrs Guru, Yours Truly removed his ear plugs and set about his daily business feeling as refreshed as a post-hibernation squirrel.