Disciple Adrian has been collating interesting claims that have been made on CVs that ended up on his desk during the course of 2005. Together with a touch of editorial magic dust from Guru, we present the award-winning CV of Weirdo Applicant of the Year 2005:
Martial (sic) status: Double.
- 1999-2000: Awarded president of the Propaganda Society.
Building managerial and technical skills in the five ‘S’s’ (Sort, Set in order, Shine, Standardise and Sustain), which makes sure the workplace is always tidy and improves order.
Personal attributes and goals:
- I make friends even with my customers, and they are impressed by my smile.
- My ambition as a financial management gladiator guru, within customer services and telesales, is to continue to assist, thus creating a global climate for customer satisfaction and to make the world better for global challenges.
- I have an outgoing and optimistic personality and a very strong thirst for knowledge; besides, I could observe discipline and performance the job with high quality [We don’t know what this means either].
- My management style is ‘strict, firm but fair’.
I have a strong communication skill and the capacity for written expression, and I have enough abilities to play a leader role in the group work, meanwhile, I am good at intercommunicating and dealing with public relation matter. [Just not writing.]
- Certificate in Competent Person (September 1994): Pass
- FA1 (Life Administration): Pass
Clearly there’s some real talent out there if you take the time to look… really, really hard. If you’ve heard/read/imbibed any outrageous claims recently, then drop Guru a line to firstname.lastname@example.org