The World Cup has started and, contrary to the mass – nay, glut – of press releases predicting the downfall of the British workplace through a rise in absence and falling productivity, things still appear to be carrying on as normal.
In fact, if thereÍs any fall in productivity to be had, it’s coming from Guru’s disciples, who are abandoning their daily tasks in favour of sharing tales of recruitment nightmares and examples of horrendous management speak.
This week we return to Guru’s Weirdo Applicant of the Year AwardTM, which continues to see strong candidates emerging. If this is a category in the forthcoming Olympics, there will be no skills gap in the UK entry, Guru can tell you.
Anyway, enough of the sporting tomfoolery, here are this week’s offerings:
I recently saw a candidate for a management position that I feel should seriously be considered for the 2006 award. At our interviews, we like to try and get to know the real individual, and one of the questions we ask is: “Can you tell us a little bit about yourself, and what you enjoy doing in your spare time?” In answer to this question, one individual replied: “I like to dress up as a Viking and hit people over the head with a rubber thing.”
The following answer is to a question on our graduate application form. Was it a spell checker error, an attempt at humour, or just a basic misunderstanding of what the question was getting at?
Usually, we’d expect a few more words on achievements, experience and technical ability.
Q. What differentiates you from your peers?
A. I can eat pears but they can’t eat me.
We had an application form once from a lady who, under hobbies, put: “I cannot go a day without seeing a horse.” As we are based at Paddington with not a field in sight, we did not shortlist her.