Guru

Guru was shocked to read that Gordon Brown is eating up to nine bananas a day as part of a pre-election health drive.

The Sun claimed the PM was trying to kick his 'three-KitKat-a-day habit' in an effort to get in shape before the general election. The paper quoted a Downing Street source as saying: "Like with everything, Gordon is an obsessive. Bananas are his big thing now - he can't get enough of them."

It goes on: "Staff have been ordered to leave a giant bowl of them in his study. The bowl, seen by The Sun, sits on his window sill, overlooking Number 10's back garden." The existence and location of the bowl is, apparently, vital to the story.

Guru is all for workplace health, but a word of warning though, Gordon: as Guru discovered to his cost, too many bananas can also cause bloating, wind and frequent trips to the toilet. Not a vote winner.

HR worker Julianne McGregor is planning to hula hoop on her way to the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro to rise money for her best friend with cancer.

The 27-year-old is raising cash for the World Cancer Research Fund to support her friend Megan Houchins, who has thyroid cancer.

"I'm doing this for my close friend Megan, who is currently fighting cancer, and all other cancer sufferers out there," says Julianne. "I enjoy hula hooping anyway but I thought that I would do it on Mount Kilimanjaro because it would put a smile on Megs' face. If not, the pictures of me dirty, sweaty but resolutely hula hooping surely will."

Guru will be cheering you on Julianne - and please email some pics to guru@personneltoday.com so we can feature your achievements in Personnel Today magazine.

You can see her progress on her YouTube page or sponsor her on the WCRF page.

Cat owners are more cleverer than dog lovers, a seemingly pointless survey has concluded. Boffins at Bristol University polled 2,524 households found that 47.2% of those with a cat had at least one person educated to degree level, compared with 38.4% of homes with dogs.

However Dr Jane Murray, a lecturer in feline epidemiology (cat diseases, basically), said she didn't know why there was such a variation in education level. "We did look at average household income but that wasn't significant. Our best guess is that it's to do with working hours and perhaps commuting to work, meaning people have a less suitable lifestyle for a dog. It's really just a hunch though."

Guru has a theory; Dogs - especially large threatening ones - are the pet of choice for the majority of chavs, the bulk of which will be jobless and certainly won't have a degree - unless it's a BA in Hollyoaks.

The study also suggested a number of other characteristics were associated with either cat or dog ownership. Dog-lovers were more likely to be male, living in rural areas and under the age of 55. So, farmers or posh people then.

Cat owners were more likely to be female and living in smaller or single-person households. These are the Bridget Jones-type singletons with no-one to come home to after a long day at work but a moody moggy.

If you want to get a pet that fits in with your busy working life, Guru advises getting a goldfish; low maintenance and they won't judge you.

If you thought that the shock of Monday morning and struggling through the first day back after the weekend was bad enough, the worst is yet to come.

New research from the company behind Guru's favourite painkiller Nurofen found that 6.00pm on Monday is the most painful time of the week.

Nurofen's research monitored pain levels relating to common complaints such as backache, sore feet, headaches and sore fingers and found that we are more likely to be in need of pain relief at specific times of the day:

• The morning (6 - 8.30am) finds 30% of Britain waking up to backache
• The stress of the day is apparent for 32% of people who develop a tension headache between 3-5pm
• Between 4-6pm 20% have stiff and sore fingers after a day of typing
• Between 4.30 - 6.30pm 31% of the nation is suffering from sore feet
• The daily grind leaves 31% of us with aches and pains between 5-8pm
• A day of staring at screens takes its toll at bedtime giving 30% tired and blurry eyes between 9-11pm
  

The research also identified the common causes of everyday physical discomfort, with workplace gripes adding up to a whole world of pain. Backache from bad posture and hunching over keyboards; sore fingers from typing; tired and blurry eyes from staring at a computer screen for too long; tension headaches from stress and heavy workloads.

Just reading all these stats is giving Guru a headache. Time for a couple of pills and a lie down.

Here are Guru's weekly links to the top workplace stories.

1. Aussie banker keeps job after caught viewing erotic pics on TV interview
   
2. Workers spend 10 years' of their lives checking emails
   
3. Sun Microsystems chief exec announces resignation on Twitter
   
4. How would a company boss deal with John Terry?
   
5. BA removes 'graffiti wall' after bullying claims

Have a great weekend, disciples.

Guru welcomes the news that the bosses of companies that annoy members of the public will have to face them to explain their failings. A Private Member's Bill has gained government support and will outline rules to force transport firms and utility providers to attend public hangings, err, sorry... meetings.

For example, gas companies who dig up the road causing long delays and then badly repair it afterwards, or bus providers who alter routes or timetables, will now be called to account.

Guru has long been a fan of the similar 'Meet the Manager' sessions held by various train franchises, as it gave him a chance to vent his spleen at some poor suit about the frequent days and cancellation on his daily commute.

Perhaps the firms could use this new legislation as some kind of twisted employee incentive programme? Perform well and meet your targets and you escape being sent into the bear pit. But mess up or underperform, then off to the local town hall with you to face the collective ire of the Great British Public.

Man boobs - or as we all like to call them 'moobs' - are a subject close to Guru's heart. Very close, in fact, bearing in mind Guru has his own impressive pair stuck firmly to his chest.

Yours Truly has blogged in the past about stats showing 'moob jobs' rocketing despite the recession, with men now far more body conscious and willing to do something about it. And the cosmetic surgery industry reports the number just keeps on rising.

A spokesman from the unintentionally funny and no pun intended, I'm sure, British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons (Baaps) says men are feeling the pressure from men's magazines to look good.

Guru is sure there will be little sympathy among female disciples, as this is a pressure women have had to deal with for years. But if one of the blokes in the office disappears for a couple of weeks on unexplained leave, there's now a good chance he's getting his moobs dealt with.

For centuries, the practice of shaking hands has been used to greet a colleague, welcome a new acquaintance or seal a business deal. But now, one veteran MP has called for handshakes to be ditched. Paul Flynn, Labour MP for Newport West, wrote on his blog last month:

"Handshakes are getting less popular. Good riddance. They are unnecessary unhygienic germ-spreading intrusions. Some oafs use them to prove strength of their personalities with bone-crushers. They should be summoned for assault. Their behaviour should demonstrate their strength of character.
"Among the millions of atrocities are many with painful hands, Eye-watering hand squeezes can be excruciatingly painful. Grimacing in pain does not deter them. Even yelps of pain or the sarcasm has no effect. 'Don't worry, my fingers will be back to normal in six time,' I've tried on some insensitive dolts - the point is never understood.
"Who will be first person to be charged with assault by handshake?"

Guru reckons Flynn's tongue is firmly in his cheek by the end of this rant, but he does raise a point worth debating. Bone-crushers are usually the domain of men suffering from Small Man Syndrome, blokes who compensate for being short by applying a vice-like grip to your hand.

And what with swine flu and other nasty bugs and viruses, maybe it is time we consigned handshakes to the dustbin of history.

But what to replace them with? The continental double cheek kiss? An Obama-style fist touch? An Eskimo nose-rub? How about a friendly bottom pat? Guru doesn't know what's for the best. Let's just stick with a good old fashioned British formal handshake. At least that way we should avoid tribunals.

No, not the day where we can all throw-up in public, but the day identified by "experts" as the most likely for employees to pull a sickie.

National Sick Day - the first Monday of February - is thought to be the most likely day in the year for employees to call in sick thanks to Christmas credit card bills, gloomy weather and a long wait to the next Bank Holiday.

So if your office or workplace seems quieter than usual this morning, now you know why. In fact, why are you even here?

Guru looks forward to the creation of National Just Do Your Bloody Job Day.

 

Once again, here are Guru's links to the best workplace stories of the week:

1. Advert for 'reliable workers' banned as discrimination by Jobcentre Plus
2. McDonald's 'wrong' to fire worker over cheese slice
3. Prison warder sued after inmate's pet parrot dies
4. Nurse pulled out of operation to be told she was sacked
5. South Korean government turns off lights to encourage staff to make babies

Have a great weekend everyone!