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| Image: Rex Features |
It’s almost Christmas and Guru can’t find anything interesting to comment on. Knowing that what most people will be hoping for in their metaphorical stocking will be a new Guru post to read for Christmas, Guru would like to introduce the Guru Christmas 2011 Blog Spectacular.
The Guru Christmas 2011 Blog Spectacular takes as its model those really disappointing episodes of sitcoms where they fill 30 minutes with old clips you’ve already seen with tedious segues in-between. So, anyway, let it begin…
January saw football blokes exploring the thorny issue of women in football. Should they be treated with respect? Are they capable of understanding things? Are they just there to be ogled? Football blokes decided yes. Not everybody agreed.
February saw stressed workers getting more stressed, with a CIPD survey revealing that a third of workers are concerned they might lose their jobs. Those workers probably all lost their jobs, along with the other two-thirds, who probably got sacked for being so complacent.
March was a bad month for managers and a good month for underperforming workers as it was revealed that managers are bad at managing underperformance. In the same month, the government announced that it was to review the existence of the Equality and Human Rights Commission. After much debate, it was discovered that it did exist, which should have been obvious from the start.
April was the cruellest month, mixing stories of workplace woe and sexist nightmares.
May was uneventful.
June heard from Prince Phillip, who spoke out for ageism and revealed that there had been no precedent for his current job role of queen’s husband. After all, surely any idiot can trail around after his wife without upsetting too many people.
July confused beauticians, as they found themselves lured to a building site (as opposed to just being yelled at from one) for interviews about things beyond their field of expertise. Harrods faced employee relations problems when it sacked a female employee who refused to wear make-up.
August told us that one in five employees would sleep their way to the top and that London law firm Olswang is keeping bees in its courtyard to inspire its workers to work hard and cooperate with each other. Guru can report, that in an ironic twist, the courtyard bees have stopped behaving like bees and now spend all their time filling in time sheets and lying to people.
September ruined coffee for everybody and laid claim to Guru’s 8000th use of bad grammar to form a joke about the use of bad grammar. Guru also celebrated the world’s worst, and now possibly most famous, CV (beside the New Testament, which is Jesus’ CV).
October was all about Liam Fox and his best, best, best friend Adam Werrity, and their holidays together. Apparently this was unacceptable, though Guru still thinks being allowed to tag along on classified government business is what being a best friend is all about.
November was awash with controversy as the HR world debated whether a social media policy was needed or not. Guru settled the debate once and for all, but the jury is still out on whether XpertHR employment law editor John Read is or is not the “biggest tart since Eggwina Curry”.
December’s headlines were dominated by news of the release of the Guru Christmas 2011 Blog Spectacular, which was widely celebrated and held to be the greatest thing to happen to Christmas since paper hats.
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